We all know that just like that a switch can go off in your mind and suddenly your down and every heartache, every worry can hit you like a ton of bricks and you can be over come with sadness and grief, you look for someone to blame for the way your feeling, you look for someone or something to fix the way your feeling. As I began to wear the weight of sad and emotional holiday bug filled with feelings of being alone I realized in the past 4 years that this is a struggle of mine. The holidays make me so happy I could dance but they also make me confront my reality that outside of my kids and husband Iam not at all close to anyone else in my family & since I decided to move away from home I don't have a friend for miles. Their are no holiday plannings with my big sister and little brothers to share and enjoy the spirit of family together their is no list of friends and play sisters to visit, it's just us. I know I know exactly how that sounds ungreatful and selfish right? Well what about your husband and kids one might ask, are they not enough? Well I put on my Christmas tunes sing and become even sadder. To be honest I ask myself so much why do I long for this why does the absence of a family full of love make me feel such a way, why is my heart not content? I don't know, I made a vow to myself this year to not get all in my feelings over this, that their will be absolutely no calls to people to try to persuade them to choose family togetherness over the holidays to not try to encourage friends whom I look at as family that the holidays are a family affair we should do it together. I just ran into some one who just explained to me that they have been completely bald for over year due to stress induced alopecia, she said she worries about everything and has major anxiety. She says she is tying to trust gods plan for her family and stop worrying if not for nothing for her health. I immediately want to cry. I'm thinking this is what real worry and stress and pain feels like and thats not to minimize what I'm feeling because I know my feelings are valid. But I have to get past it look at it from a different perspective. The family love I long for I have just not in the way that in envision it. My kids and husband love me my babies are so excited about the holidays and though they often ask to be with their aunts and cousins during the holidays they still enjoy themselves because they enjoy and appreciate the traditions and the loving atmosphere that we create for them. We could be at a grandmothers house or an aunt or uncle and be surrounded by people but I'd rather only subject my family to situations where the love is really real. My family the one I created is my life and I'd give any amount of anything just to see them happy. Im making a promise from here on out to learn to be more greatful and appreciative of the blessing that God has provided and not waste time focusing on what could be should be, would be. I have no reason to be sad everything isn't always gonna be the way we envision it but we have to trust that God has made it this way for a reason and if it is within his plans then it will be. And on days when my heart feels broken the most and the most loneliest I've ever been and feel neglected and forgot about I will remember what I have and realize that my life is not missing anything at all.
Choose to be happy, Choose to love, Choose to be content
Happy Holidays
Respectfully,
From The Heart Of The Family
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