So many times I hear people speak on how they read into a persons words, how they got a million feelings and thoughts based off a persons looks or the manner in which they spoke or how they flung their hair or how one leg moved in front of the other as they walked into a room or words typed in a text or posted on Facebook or any other silly thing that may make a person feel as though they are great at knowing the contents of ones heart based on fluff that really means nothing. How do you make it so that no one ever has a reason to question your heart, your integrity and good intentions again, and why when we are doubted does it feel as though someone has taken a dagger to our hearts? Why even when we scream and yell our reasonings we can still be misunderstood. Why is it that no matter how much we try to change show and prove our growth people will always want to hold you to who you were in the past and every time you make a mistake they are ready to judge you based on something or someone you were years ago? That particularly hurts me. I know sometimes we can say somethings to people and no matter how we see it it can seem like a personal attack. Is it that no matter what, no matter who the person is or how close we are or how much they know we love them we will always have to censor the words,thoughts and opinions of our heart? I in over the past seven years have found it more condusive to my well being and sanity to disassociate myself with a lot of people I mean like pretty much my entire maternal side of my family and to be honest even though God showed me so much and know it was what had to happen the shock of just cutting off my family in the way that I did some days made me feel like somebody had massacred my entire life. So I try to be a better person than I was in the past moving forward in the few relationships that I have maintained. In those relationships I don't act out of emotion or selfishness I try not to get offended and make personal attacks on peoples character or hit below belt in disagreements I try my best to move only in the most genuine ways possible. So yes it hurts when we are doubted or made to feel that our actions were out of anything other than love. Personally for me I really don't feel as though I should let go of anymore relationships. So is it impossible to escape ever being doubted or misunderstood again? I can appreciate that no matter what ones intentions are that has no bearing on how It has made a person feel which most times can be totally out of context. I often reflect on my relationship with my dad and it's nonexsistence. If I give a recount of my life as it pertains to him and he does boy are our memories different. You see his perceptions and my truth and feelings are totally different he said and did things which were intended for one thing and how it made me feel and how I took it was something totally different. Now don't get me wrong it's a proven fact that my dad doesn't have a decent bone in his body
(but he's just wired that way). But nontheless in his twisted mind he had his reasons for things whether good or illed intention at the time the fact remains he did somethings like buy me a car which he felt was an action that solidified him as a loving a caring father but he's also the same man who fought me in the street like his blood does not run through my veins. Anyway guess what I'm gonna have to deal with is the fact that no matter what people are entitled to their feelings and opinions and they may not always be on one accord with our hearts intentions.
Respectfully,
From The Heart of The Family
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