I started to write this post back in December but back then it meant something different to me. Today I'm feeling different about "living your life in transition" I've been feel so much like I'm in transition lately trying to understand and become acquainted with the "new me" recently someone asked me what my hobbies are, and I have to say I had no clue what to say. For a brief moment in my mind I thought you know what I actually don't know. That along with some other instances recently have bought me to the conclusion that I am a woman in transition somewhere floating in between who I used to be, who I've grown into and who god created me to be. Most days we find ourselves saying things like "I'm not feeling like myself" or "I don't do any of the things I used to do" what if that's not a bad thing, what if some cosmic force is sucking all of the old out of us so that we can walk into the new us. maybe we don't do or feel the same because we truly are not the same is that a bad thing, would it be so bad? I think until I was asked that question I wasn't fully aware that I am a woman on a mission to be me, I mean don't get me wrong I know and have known that I am a changed woman. But that opened my eyes to just how much I have changed and how much of a transition process I'm in. Its like a car with a new motor right? and even though its the same car on the outside the same color, it still has that same smell to it in the inside. You get in and it reminds you of a familiar place when you inhale. But under the hood the heart of the car the guts, the soul everything that makes this car perfect running even though it has surpassed one hundred thousand miles and has been through numerous finder benders and wrecks the soul of it is brand new and the car has to get acquainted with its heart the hoses and pullies and all the new fluids flowing through it and they all work together to make the car the amazing operating machine that is but its has to run for a while and warm up get the fluids moving, to the reeving of the engine so that all the parts understand and know that they all have to be present for this to work. All things in agreement they all have to love the thought of the car moving up and down the road ways and interstates for this thing to function at its best. I think I'm a blank slate and I have to go out and recreate and own who I am, what I like, what I need and apologize for none of it. I understand some people may not agree may not understand, say I'm boring and bougie or loud and ratchet however "they" choose to define me is their business I don't have to conform or change to fit the needs of anyone as long as my life is pleasing to god and I make the best decisions possible for kids and they are proud of me and most importantly I'm proud of me. So I'm gonna focus the rest of my time getting to know one of the most amazing persons that I know and love her, and be committed to uplifting and motivating her allow her to be imperfect and remind her everyday that she is not anyone else standards or opinions and most of all she is not her past and her circumstances in which she was born into. You my dear Kaylane are a perfectly flawed, funny and silly and loves to dance, and try new things that other people think are weird, and loving and super emotional, strong but beautifully vulnerable, full of empathy and compassion, forgiving and cautious, possessive and sometimes moody and always impatient and fearless woman that still loves chocolate just like your mama, loves to online shop and hates toilets you love love and romantic comedies because you are hopeless romantic and so much more that is still being written and discovered maybe being in transition does not have to be a bad thing....
